So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
