The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
