ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As shirtless as possible
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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