how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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