Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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