Will you blow on my dice?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
