It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
