Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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