His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
