I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
