And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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