Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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