Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
