not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
