that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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