I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Floor bacon is actually really good
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
