i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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