this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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