dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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