eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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