Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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