In the future we'll all be gay
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
