I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize