Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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