i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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