I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
