I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
