:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
