im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
