Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
