it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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