FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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