false alarm. still invincible.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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