you would pick up someone in the library
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
