So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
