Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize