One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
