Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize