I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
