What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
