i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
being pregnant is like rehab
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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