i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
