Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize