Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
