Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
