They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
