I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
