i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize