Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
