all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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