If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
