Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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