You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
