Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
