you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
