Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
