oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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