big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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