I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
