brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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