I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
