So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
