please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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