Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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