ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize