I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
