i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
