Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
