You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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