I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
