Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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