You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
